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  It was all Wade could ever do to hold back the hurt he felt from losing his parents. Every day he woke up with that pain in his chest, but he pushed it back and got on with his day. Life didn’t stop just because theirs had. They wouldn’t want to see him wallowing in self-pity, and he didn’t want Kiki to see that wounded spot either.

  Wade stared absentmindedly at the wall as he thought back on the memories before words came to him. “Can you imagine losing your mother, your father, and your first love, in a two-year span?”

  “No.” Kiki’s voice cracked, and he turned to her only to see pools of water welled up in her eyes.

  Wade blinked back his own impending tears. “Of course not, it sounds like a country song,” he tried to joke.

  This was not what he wanted to be talking about. Especially not with Kiki. He didn’t want her to see the cracks in his soul. He wanted to be the strong man that a strong woman needed. He wanted to be the hero of her story, not the pity fuck.

  “It’s fine. We all have shit and we get through it, right? There are millions of people who have it way worse.” Wade wanted this conversation to be over.

  “Just because there are people who have it worse doesn’t mean your pain is any less important.” Kiki’s wide eyes stared up into his, piercing his soul, and he felt the searing pain of a wound being reopened. A piece of himself that he had no desire of reopening. Not now and not ever.

  “Let’s not do this.” Wade gave his head a rough shake.

  “Do what exactly?” Kiki’s voice was soft and gentle as her brow furrowed.

  “I don’t want to talk about this. You can’t change the past, I’ve moved on.” Wade said the words just as confidently as he’d practiced each time someone asked the same questions.

  “You can’t change the past, but...” Kiki scooted closer, reaching out and taking his hands. “I don’t think you’ve moved on. I see the pain on your face, and it looks as fresh as I imagine it did the day it happened. Talking about this is good. I know Vi did counseling, did you ever try?”

  Wade’s pain had quickly moved to irritation. How dare she suggest that. He was fine. Losing a parent was always going to hurt.

  “Kiki, you don’t know anything about me. Don’t judge me.” Wade ignored the harsh tone in his voice as he pulled his hands from her hold.

  Kiki wrapped her arms around herself as if she’d been hit. How dare she try and make him feel bad. “You’re right, I don’t know anything about you. You’re not big on sharing, and now it’s clear why. But I’d never judge you.”

  “Yeah? Well, that sure sounds fucking judgmental.” Wade threw his arms up in the air with frustration before getting off the couch.

  Fuck this! He didn’t need this. He didn’t want to talk about it and she did, thus a line drawn in the sand. This was what had been eating away at her, something she needed to talk about, and unfortunately, Wade knew that was a deal breaker.

  He paced the small apartment, going room to room collecting his things, before heading to the door and slipping on his shoes.

  “That’s it?” Kiki asked, tears streaming down her face.

  Part of him wanted to go over there and hold her, console her. But he was hurting too, like salt being poured into a wound. He was done. Why he thought he could ever do this was beyond him. Relationships weren’t his thing. He just hoped he hadn’t broken her in the process. Of all the feelings he still had for her, the bottom line was that he would never be able to give her want she wanted—his heart and soul.

  “Yep,” Wade said coldly, opening the door, making sure to slam it behind him.

  Chapter 17

  It had taken two days and Kiki calling out from work sick for Vi and Leena to catch wind of what had happened. She tried to tell them over the phone that she was fine, but between the sobs she was unconvincing, so they forced their way over.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Vi tried to reassure her, wrapping her in a hug.

  Vi had such a gentle, mothering touch when she needed to. And right now, it was exactly what Kiki needed.

  “She’s right.” Leena leaned over from the chair, putting a reassuring hand on Kiki’s knee. “I mean it wasn’t easy for me and Vi. Both of us have broken up with our guys, and because they were worth it, we repaired that break.”

  “You broke up with them. They chased you back. He broke up with me. After three days of no calls it’s pretty clear.” Kiki pulled away from Vi only to bury her face into the blanket she snuggled on the couch. Her eyes were sore and puffy. “I’m so sorry, Vi. You told me this would happen, and I didn’t listen. And now what? I’m an idiot and the laughingstock of the whole gym. The second ex-girlfriend to work there.”

  “You’re not an idiot, and anyone who says so is going to get Gav’s fist in their fucking face!” Leena said seriously.

  “Kiki, you put yourself out there and got hurt. It happens. But think of all the great things that have changed in the last couple of month since you’ve started working at the gym. You’ve met great friends, trained MMA, found some of that confidence I knew you had inside you. You should be proud.”

  Kiki bit back a sob, but hot tears ran down her face. She didn’t want to think about that. She wanted to think about her heart and how badly it hurt, and the humiliation. She wanted to wallow in her pity.

  “Why don’t you take the next couple of days off?” Vi offered.

  It wasn’t a bad idea, but a few days off wasn’t going to change anything. All it would do was show weakness. And she’d worked so hard on not being weak that she wasn’t about to go back down that path.

  “No. I’ll be fine to come in tomorrow.” Kiki tried to smile. “Though I might be wearing sunglasses to cover these puffy eyes.”

  “Whatever you want to do is good with us, Kiki. You have our full support.” Vi scooted over, pulling Kiki into her side, with another comforting hug.

  “Yeah. And if that support includes Gav and Colin roughing up Wade, we’re in.”

  “Hey now!” Vi shook her head. “That’s still my little brother.”

  “I said rough up, not injure.”

  “Okay,” Vi agreed, and the women all laughed a bit.

  The knock on the door surprised them all. “Are you expecting company?” Leena asked.

  Kiki shook her head at Leena. Her heart skipped a beat. Could it be? Romantically coming back to console her, to apologize. She’d take it any way she could get it.

  Wiping her eyes, Kiki stood up off the loveseat. She straightened her PJs, and brushed back her hair. There was nothing she could do about the blotchiness on her face. But Wade would understand the tears. Though they hadn’t said it, he had to have known that she totally fell in love with him.

  Kiki squared her shoulders before opening the door. Her heart sank at the sight of the man on the other side, holding a bottle of wine. It was a sweet gesture, from the wrong man.

  Joshua caught her when she threw herself into his arms. She loved that her friends were so great that they came to check on her, and the fact that he brought her favorite wine was amazing.

  “Hey, Kiki. Don’t cry.” Joshua patted her on the back, trying to console her.

  Realizing that they were still in the entryway, Kiki pulled back and waved him in.

  “Wait?” Kiki looked up at him. “Are you here because you heard about me and Wade?”

  Joshua’s face went red as he twirled the wine bottle in his hand nervously. “Good news travels fast.” He shrugged.

  Kiki’s stomach sank. She was sure she was going to be sick. Of course it traveled fast and she was confident she knew who was making sure it got around. That stupid B!

  “Oh, you have company.” Joshua waved at the women sitting on the couch, pulling Kiki from her thoughts. “I should have expected this. Sorry I didn’t call first,” he said, handing over the wine bottle.

  “No, it’s okay. Thank you for coming by.”

  Kiki took the wine to the kitchen as he made his way over to the oversized chair,
making himself comfortable.

  “Leena, Vi, you guys want a glass of wine?”

  “Oh, no thanks,” Leena declined. “I gotta be going soon.”

  “Here, let me help you,” Vi offered, standing and heading to the kitchen.

  “Grab a glass and I’ll pour you some,” Kiki said with a half-smile.

  “I’m riding with Leena, so it sounds like we’re leaving soon.” Vi paused, looking toward the living room and back at Kiki before lowering her voice. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with us leaving you here with Joshua?”

  Kiki furrow her brow. Why would Vi be concerned about that? He was just another friend coming to check on her. She was thankful to have such a strong support system.

  “It’s totally fine.” Kiki shrugged before pouring herself a glass of wine.

  She didn’t bother to ask Joshua if he wanted a glass, because she knew he no longer drank. He’d had a problem with it in the past that led to the end of his marriage. It wasn’t something he told many people, but they had that type of friendship where they could confide in one another. It was something that she’d hoped she would have with Wade. And on that thought the tears again glossed in her eyes as she struggled to rein in the erratic breathing, trying to hold back the sobs.

  “All right. But promise to text me if you need anything. And like I said, if you want to take a couple of days off, you can.”

  “No, there is still too much I need to get through before you leave.”

  Vi only smiled, turning her open arms for a hug, and Kiki accepted the embrace. Vi had been amazing. Kiki couldn’t imagine that this was easy for her either. But somehow, she’d managed to stay true to both sides of this break-up, and Kiki was glad.

  “Me too!” Leena called, making her way into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around the women. “We love you, sweet Kiki,” Leena said. “I’m gonna text you when I get home to check on you.”

  “Thanks, girls. I love you too.”

  The women left, and when the door shut behind them, Kiki took her glass and sat on the loveseat across from the chair Joshua was sitting in. “Thanks for coming over.” Kiki looked down into the glass of white wine. “What are they saying at the gym?”

  “Nothing worth repeating,” Joshua said with a shake of his head. “So, what happened exactly?”

  What did happen? That’s what she’d been trying to figure out since it happened. While Kiki had shared some of the details with the girls, she wasn’t sure how much she should share with Joshua. Wade didn’t want to talk about his feelings, and her telling another man about that might not help the situation. There you go again protecting Wade.

  “I’m still trying to figure it out. It was just a mess,” Kiki said. She was starting to feel numb over the entire situation. The tears had stopped, but her whole body felt tingly. She needed a hot shower and a nap. Maybe sleep off the exhaustion of all the emotions running through her body.

  The couch dipped down next to her, and Joshua’s arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her to his side. His hand was clammy, and being this close to a man who wasn’t Wade felt awkward, even though they’d been closer than this in the octagon.

  “You know, Kiki, he was never good enough for you.” Joshua rested his head on top of hers with affection.

  Kiki started to feel uncomfortable. “That’s nice of you to say. You’ve always been such a good friend.”

  Joshua let out a sigh. Backing out of the embrace, he turned to face Kiki. “You have to know that I want to be more than friends with you. This is terrible timing, but I couldn’t miss this opportunity. Wade is an asshole, and he is finally out of the picture.”

  Kiki’s head spun. The signs had been there all along that he liked her. She thought she had done a good enough job with not reciprocating them that he would take the hint. But apparently, she was wrong.

  “It’s there, Kiki. You just don’t realize it. Just think about us, about all the time we spend together, about how much fun we have, all the things we’ve shared. I’m perfect for you. And you’re just plain perfect.”

  “You’re one of my best friends–”

  “Don’t say that word anymore. Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean we can’t be more.” Joshua ran his hand through his hair as his words became rushed and wild. “Just…just kiss me once and you’ll see. You’ll feel it.”

  Oh no. Kiki felt the retch in her stomach. She had no feelings, no attraction whatsoever toward Joshua, and having to deal with this emotional baggage that she’d apparently brought on herself was enough to make her break down.

  “No, Joshua.” Kiki took his hands in hers. “We will only ever be friends.”

  “No!” he shouted.

  Joshua’s hands held her face firmly as his thin lips pressed hard on hers, trying to coax them open. Kiki twisted out of the hold, punching her fist into Joshua’s chest to get him off.

  “Stop it!” Kiki shouted. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “You just needed to see. You weren’t listening to reason. I had to show you. Tell me you didn’t feel that…that spark!”

  “You need to leave,” Kiki said, standing up, but a strong hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling her back down.

  “Not without an explanation. Why did you lead me on for so long, and then go and date Wade?”

  “You’re hurting me.” Kiki looked down at her wrist.

  She was relieved when he let go of her wrist, and she took advantage of the opportunity to jump up and put some space between them. The ringing of her cellphone had Joshua shooting up from his seat.

  “I should get that, it’s probably Leena. She said she was going to call when she got home,” Kiki said, keeping her eye on Joshua as she reached for her cellphone.

  “Hey, Leena.” Kiki tried to steady her voice. “Can you hold on a second? Joshua is leaving.”

  “Oh, he’s still there? Sweetie, do you want me to call you back?” Leena asked.

  “Oh no, it’ll just be a second, hold on.”

  Kiki covered the phone as she gave Joshua a pointed look before eyeing the door. Taking the hint, Joshua headed for the door and let himself out without another word. Kiki rushed to the door, locking it behind him.

  “Kiki… Hey, Kiki! You still there?” The concern in Leena’s voice wasn’t missed.

  “Yeah, I’m still here.”

  “Is everything okay? You sound funny. I can come back over and stay with you, I mean it.”

  “No, no.” Kiki let out a heavy sigh. “Everything’s fine, I’m just tired. I’m gonna go take a hot shower.”

  “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Try and get some rest too. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “All right, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Just know that I’m here for you, my sweet Kiki.”

  “Thank you.” Kiki held back the croak of emotion in her throat before pushing the end button.

  Adrenaline seared through her body, her chest expanding and contracting almost painfully as she gasped for air. What the fuck just happened! Had she just been attacked? No, he’s a friend, he just had the wrong idea. Right? Kiki tried to convince herself, but in honesty she wasn’t sure she could have gotten him to leave without a fight if Leena hadn’t called.

  Kiki opened the door and peaked down the hallway to make sure he’d left. She breathed a sigh of relief when there was no one out there. Locking the door again, she headed to take that hot shower she needed now more than ever. She needed to burn his touch off her skin.

  Another great reason to go to work tomorrow! You did this all to yourself. She allowed her thoughts to beat her up.

  Chapter 18

  Wade hoped his presence at the gym would go unnoticed. There was more than one person he didn’t want to run into these days. But when he heard the low, seductive voice call his name he rolled his eyes with irritation. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Jessica right now. He had come to the T&A gym to grab the boxes of supplies that
had come in, and quickly arrange them in the clinic.

  Wade didn’t stop walking, but called over his shoulder, “What do you need, Jess?”

  “I just…wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Fuck! How did she know already? Good news sure traveled fast.

  “Hey wait.” She jogged to catch up with him, placing a hand on his arm, stopping him.

  “I don’t have time for this now. I have shit to do.”

  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about Kiki. If you ever want to talk, just know that I’m here for you.”

  “Who told you?”

  “Joshua.”

  Of fucking course. That guy was relentless! He was still trying to get at Kiki. Wade was going to have to have a talk with that guy. Even if he wasn’t seeing her anymore that didn’t mean he couldn’t watch out for her. Joshua was a true dirt bag.

  “So...do you want to maybe grab a drink tonight?” Jessica’s question pulled him from his distracting thoughts.

  “What? No.”

  “Why not?” she asked, taking a half-step back, her hand on her hip.

  “Because I don’t like you. We aren’t friends. We might be co-workers, but even that is a stretch.”

  “Fuck you. You know what, you use to be a good guy, the best in fact, and then...” Jessica caught herself.

  “And then what, Jess, you cheated on me, broke my heart and I changed?”

  Her wide eyes looked up at him with shock. “Yeah, I did cheat on you and I have to own that and it was wrong, but that’s not when you changed. When your mom died, something changed inside you. You weren’t the same, Wade.”

  What the fuck! He didn’t expect that. She’d cheated on him. That’s what had changed.

  “I didn’t break your heart. Your mom passing away broke your heart,” Jessica said, shaking her head and taking deep breaths.

  Was she right? Damn it. His head was royally fucked up. He was working with two ex-girlfriends. Two women who had once been very special to him, and they were both saying the same thing.